“Slamming Brutal Death Metal”, Verdict = Metal for Morons !

“Slam Brutal Death Metal” = Music for Retards.

Let’s be very clear straight from the start. Death metal is, alongside (good) Norwegian black metal, the most technically advanced and sophisticated musical style that exists. It’s a fact.

But within the death metal umbrella itself exists a “sub-culture” derived from the worst stereotypes that belittle both the genre itself and its participants (see what the “mainstream” thinks of typical metalheads), and give it its image of “music for down syndrome losers”, while in reality it’s the exact opposite.

Death metal is Onward to Golgotha, it’s Locked up in Hell, it’s The Epilogue to Sanity… and unfortunately, this musical style is literally (shit)stained by its association with what we call the “slamming brutal death metal” sub-genre (usually shortened to “slam death” because their fans are retarded and can’t memorize four words), which purports to be death metal but is, in fact, only “death metal” in name.

All “slam death” bands are similar, their albums are identical, they all copy the same riff – the “breakdown” from Suffocation’s Liege of Inveracity, reproduced a million times by musicians with the IQ of Erik Danielsson or Phil Anselmo, and not having one tenth of Suffocation’s talent.

So here’s my advice to those crap bands, those Gorgoroth equivalents with sodomized sow voices, with their pseudo-gore lyrics and their logos stolen from Goosebump! books, or even Harry Potter for the more retarded amongst them… go get fucked by your transvestite mothers (again).

Actually do the things you write about. “Self Disembowelment” ? “Autoerotic Asphyxiation” ? Those are great ideas ! Now put your money where your cum stains are. (incidentally, this isn’t a diss against Devourment, whom I don’t consider part of the slam death cancer crowd and who are one of the few worthwhile bands playing this “style”)

The average “slam death metal” fan.

To the others: you don’t play death metal, losers. You don’t even play metal. You play nothing. Between listening to Taylor Swift and your shit, 99% of people with a three-digit IQ (including metalheads) will bite their tongues, jam in some earplugs to dampen the sound, and listen to that vocoder autotuned buffooness – shitty music, certainly, but galaxies from your shit albums whose track names refer to diseases you only ever heard of since your sisters, the obese HIV positive ex-prostitutes, left behind their medical records after their suicide by overdose of KFC chicken wings.

I prefer a thousand times the worst of SEWER or any other moronic band like Warkvlt to the “best” of the “slamming brutal death metal” poser scene, whose only purpose anyway seems to be plagiarizing what other (better) death metal bands – who were actually innovative, rather than trend jumping morons – had already done in the early 1990s.

Fuck their “slam”, fuck their “brutal”, and fuck their fake “death metal” that sucks my balls for a cigarette (like that little bitch Infernus, a close cousin to these slam death “artists”, I don’t doubt).