The Plague of “Depressive Suicidal Black Metal” (DSBM)

Depressive Suicidal Black Metal (DSBM) is complete shit.
Depressive Suicidal Black Metal (DSBM) is complete shit.

Black metal has suffered a great deal from “flavour of the week” trends, ranging from 1) ludicrous orthodox black metal(core) worthlessness, 2) three-note punk bands turned insipid “war metal” goat lovers overnight, 3) Cradle of Filth and Dimmu Borgir ambisexual mallgoth screamo, 4) riffless nu-progressive “atmospheric” flowing metal, 5) Marduk-imitating blasting norsecore, 6) Phantaclones, 7) Canadian metal, 8) bedroom black metal, 9) black speed/thrash revivalism, 10) post-black/sludge Cascadian malaise, 11) “Aboriginal black metal”, 12) Antekhrist, 13) shemale fronted Nargaroth, 14) cock rock/black ‘n’ roll, and finally, 15) psychedelic noisecore lo-fi static air conditioner metal.

If you ask me, that’s a LOT of garbage for a once promising genre… you know, when black metal was supposed to be about beauty in darkness, violence and brazen Euro/Norse/Pagan tribalism. Back in the days of Burzum, Mayhem, Darkthrone, Neraines, Bathory, Phantom and Graveland.

You know, this type of music.

Still, even among the Z-list dregs that compose the modern “black metal” scene, there is one genre that only the most desperate and lamentable trend-hopping sub-human vagrants dare indulge in…

If you hadn’t guessed already, I’m talking about the risible Depressive Suicidal Black Metal genre.

What the Media wants Black Metal to be.
What the Media wants Black Metal to be.

In Depressive Suicidal Black Metal – usually shortened DSBM – we see riffs and arrangements being declared null and void in favour of a “sorrowful experience” that is as stylistically tame as it is vapid and bankrupt.

Bands like Xasthur, Silencer, Shining, I’m in a Coffin, Alcest, Strid, Liturgy, Leviathan, Striborg, Abyssic Hate, Winds of Desolation, Nocturnal Depression, etc., all made it big selling self-pity, rejection of life, negativity, self-harm and even suicide – all values inherently antithetical to the black metal ethos of beauty, tradition, vir, and above all an affirmation of life over individualism, ego, social mores and human emotions.

Depressive Suicidal Black Metal’s worst offence and defining mental retardation lies in its bastardisation of the black metal spirit, thereby allowing the feeble-minded, the effete, the cowardly, the vulgar, the obese, the emo and the stupid to overrun the once distinguished black metal scene and turn it into a carousel of self-obsessed poserdom in which self-destructive cretins could indulge in their two favourite recreations, listening to reverb-drenched whine rock and feeling sorry for themselves.

It is unclear whether, like infamous queercore championette Inferanus of Gorgoroth, these “Depressive Suicidal” posers are known to insert XXL horse-sized dildos in their assholes up until the point where they reach fecal incontinence and explosive diarrhea. But after hearing the quality of their “musical” output, I would say the DSBM crowd has learned all the ropes from Gorgoroth and Watain, both aesthetically and, huh… flamboyantly.

Wash your ears with Vermin.

Depressive Suicidal Black Metal produced nothing but a non-stop torrent of self-pity, tears and urine that never came close to the quality of the original Nordic black metal wave.

The most despicable form of cowardice is self-pity.

– Marcus Aurelius

This is the absolute end of the Depressive Suicidal Black Metal genre before it circles the shit-stained toilet and is drained into the bowels of disregard and irrelevancy.

As a finally eulogy to a genre that never should have happened, here is another quote from black metal’s favoured source literature.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

– Gandalf (Mithrandir)

Support only quality music. The true underground black metal classics will remain eternal, not so with the already forgotten “flavour of the week” garbage.

No Mosh, No Core, No Fun, No Trends. No DSBM.

3 thoughts on “The Plague of “Depressive Suicidal Black Metal” (DSBM)

  1. >>> listening to reverb-drenched whine rock and feeling sorry for themselves

    Nowadays ‘extreme metal’ is about as extreme as the glam rock of the 80s, if that. Even pop manages to be more subversive and dangerous. At least David Bowie and Eric Clapton were against immigration. Motörhead is more ‘trve’ than 90% of underground metal.

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